Ragna Gag Reel: Hazama Alternate
by Baseless
Summary: Ragna gets bad end and instead of Kokonoe, it's freaking Hazama. Period.


**A collaboration done between me and my friend back when we first tried to write fanfic. Our writing quality dropped since then lol.**

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><p>"Hyahahahahahahaha! Heeeeeeeeere's….. Terumi! I mean I'm Hazama from the Novus Orbis Librarium's Intelligence Department. My rank was umm… captain I think?" The green-haired man in the black suit looked busy fiddling with his knives behind his desk.<p>

The desk was placed opposite of the door with windows that didn't shine and curtains at the top, it was completely black outside. The lights were on, the chairs was on the left side and a black coat was hanged on the wall, on the right side there was a door leading to a bathroom, a bit strange considering this is an office.

"Where are we you might be asking? This is my dungeon of ra- I mean office, only bad children who need to be punished land in this place, children who got the bad ending. Hihihihihi…" Hazama's laugh wasn't loud but it echoed throughout the room.

The laughter was suddenly interrupted with the doors bursting open.

"Holy crap, where the hell am I!?" A man with 2 different eye colours in a red sleeved jacket looked around panic, the doors closed.

"Well, well, if it isn't my old friend Ragna the Bloodedge."

"TERUMI!" Ragna steadied his sword with a look of rage on his face readying to attack Hazama, Hazama's other name was Terumi Yuki.

"Ah, wait. I don't want to fight now otherwise my clothes will get messed up. Also how are you going to find your way out of here when the doors don't open from the inside?" Hazama didn't flinch at all when Ragna was about to attack.

"What?" Ragna went back to the doors and tried to open them but they didn't budge. He recklessly swung his sword at the door but there wasn't even a dent.

"We're inside the boundary, only bad children who got the bad ending end up here."

"Stop messing with me, tell me how to get out of here!"

"Well I'm supposed to give you advice on how to get a good end, but are you actually going to listen. That cat was supposed to do this but due to unfortunate reasons, she had to be retired…"

"What, how does that even work?" Ragna had a puzzled look.

"Inside the boundary, anything is possible. The possibilities of the continuum shift are infinite."

… There was silence for a while and they were both staring at each other. "Tch, Don't screw with me asshole otherwise I'll-"

*Foooooosh*

A green chain with an end resembling a snake happened to fly pass ragna. "Oops, excuse me. I thought there was a bug but it was just you." The chain then quickly retracted.

"What!? We were just talking and-"

"Don't want to take my advice ay? Well then… let us spend an eternity together."

Ragna frowned, he didn't want to listen to that bastard's advice although he certainly didn't want to spend an eternity either and so he chose the latter.

"…FINE I'll listen to your damn advice." Ragna sighed as he admitted defeat. He hated losing to that bastard even if it's dumb shit like this.

Hazama blinked and shrugged. "Giving up so soon Rags my boy? And here I thought we were gonna spend more time together."

Ragna scoffed, "Just shut the fuck up and give me my damn advice!"

"Oh Ragna, I'm only capable of doing one of those option" Hazama smirked

"ARGHH! JUST GIVE ME MY DAMN ADVICE!" Ragna roared, growing very impatient.

"Alright alright relax little puppy you'll get your bone." Hazama joked. "Now since you got a bad ending that means you either didn't listen to Jubei's advice or someone defeated you hmm?"

Ragna ignored Hazama's insult or rather he let it slide since he didn't want to waste another freaking minute with him. "Well…I lost to Jin. His freaking ice car is so annoying and he keeps on using DP's on me as well and shit man the guy can block. OH and it's kinda hard to fight him properly when he keeps giving me those freaky looks." Ragna shivered.

Hazama listened and nodded. "I've actually watched a replay of your fight, maybe it's because you keep on spamming the shit out of hells fang and inferno divider? Well anyways my advice is to stop being a mindless n00b spammer and block for once. OH and for the freaky looks you're getting? Yeahh can't do much about that…"

Ragna blushed, "I DON'T SPA-".

Abruptly, the same doors that Ragna had come out of burst opened. Coming out of the doors were two figures, a young ma- lady and a tiny black and white panda that no one paid attention too.

"EEK!" Noel shrieked whilst landing on Ragna. Ragna face palmed onto the cold hard stone tiles subsequently knocking him out.

Hazama dropped a sweat. "Well there goes Rags" he muttered.

"H-huh?! Where am I? Captain Hazama?!" Noel freaked out as she stood up consequently standing on the knocked-out-cold Ragna.

"Caaaaaptainnn HazaMA?!" Hazama mimicked albeit with exaggeration and in a girly tone. "Oh and you're standing on poor old Rags over there Flatness."

"W-What did you call me?!" Noel shrieked, not hearing the fact that she was standing on Ragna.

"I called you… Princess!" Hazama answered innocently grinning when we all know too well that it was as fake as Amane's gender. "And seriously, you should really get off little Ragna I think he's suffocating."

Noel blinked and looked down, finally realising that she was standing on the now turning blue Ragna. "EEEK! I'm so sorry Ragna The Bloodedge!" Noel apologised as she jumped off Ragna who seemed to be starting to breathe normally again and pained facial expression gone, he's still of course faced down still. Noel froze, again realising that in fact the man that she stood on was indeed Ragna The Bloodedge.

"w-wait..RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE?!" Noel yelled and quickly went into her battle stance and summoned bolverk(?) pointing them towards the unconscious man. "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

"Oh well _done_ Lieutenant! You've successfully captured the Grim reaper! (you dumb shit)" Hazama praised Noel clapping his hands, again we all know too well that that was so much bullshit that you probably could smell it behind your screen. Hazama continued clapping sarcastically and took a step back. "Huh? What the shit? What the hell is this?" Hazama turned around and saw the tiny black and white panda, Lao Jiu.

"EH? What the fuck are you doing here? You don't even have a story, get lost!" Hazama kicked Lao Jiu onto the wall near his hanged black coat. The attacked panda ricochet off the wall and onto the ground.

Noel twitched as if it was an instinct stopped arresting Ragna and turned to quickly run to Lao Jiu's aid. "NOO! PANDA!" Noel dashed and reached the seemly injured panda.

Lao Ju(or someshit) weakly looked up towards Noel with teary eyes. Noel already even more teary than the injured panda yelled, " NO PANDA! You can't die now! You just can't! You have so much to live for!" Lao Jiu lifted its small paw near Noel's- now streaming with tears face and gave Noel a small smile. Then dropping it and shuts it's eyes.

"N-no, NOOOOOOo0o0o0o!" Noel yelled in pain doing the old cliché luke-i-am-your-father-scene.

Hazama watching the whole thing just rolled his eyes and checked his watch. Thinking that now's a good time to take a bath however he contemplated that he didn't want to go through another dilemma of picking the right clothing again. "_Ahhh first world problems._" Hazama thought.

Unexpectedly, Hazama whom was still in deep thought received a right hook in face causing him to fall. "Oouch?!" Hazama yelped in pain rubbing his face. To his surprise it was Noel however in her Moo-12 form.

"What the f-" before hazama cursed Noel kicked Hazama hard to the side. Noel quickly advancing Hazama before he could react grabbed his collar. "yOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT NO ONE FUCKS WITH PANDAS !.

Hazama completely utterly shocked again didn't respond in time when Noel did a SUPER MURAKUMO KAWAII PANDA MEGA PUNCH EX to his chin and uppercutted him into the air and broke through the roof further into the boundary. "GOOOOYHEEEEEHEH!"

Remainders of the roof silently fall around the panting Noel. She looked above her and chased after Hazama. "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET BITCH." screamed Noel as she flew.

With the all the ruckus Ragna had finally awoken, "Man, my head freaking hurts" he groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "Ughh..What the hell happened?" Ragna questioned as he observed his new surroundings or should we say destructed surroundings.

Ragna felt a tug beneath him and looked down. It was Lao Ju who seemed to be in perfect health.

Meanwhile with Hazama he had finally crashed landed somewhere. "Arguhh jesus what the hell was that?! That freaking hurt!" Hazama stood up and dusted his pants. "Great now my clothes are dirty, maybe I should've fought Ragna after all tsk." Hazama hissed.

Hazama looked around his surroundings, there wasn't much sunlight and the place seemed quite dark as if it was under a giant roof. He looked to the side and there seems to be a village there. "_This place seems familiar_…" Hazama thought. Suddenly he sneezed.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY IT'S GREEN GUY MEOW!" meowed the one and only Taokaka and other kakas, HUNDRED other kakas.

Colour drained from Hazama's face.


End file.
